Man: A Dying Concept

"Men don’t have a purse; they have a murse – a purse for men."

Masculinity is deteriorating with each given generation. There used to be a time when females loved strong, well composed, respectable men and not these prissy-looking blonde children with tight clothes and long hair. Personally, I’m uncomfortable with men’s jeans being so tight that I can successfully answer the question; ‘is that the concealment of an object in your pants or are you just happy to meet my acquaintance?’

One of the main problems is the continued, and somewhat undefined, misuse of the English language that separates what is feminine and what is masculine. For example, men don’t have a purse; they have a murse – a purse for men. Men also don’t use eyeliner; instead they use guyliner - eyeliner for men. Nowadays, a man no longer has to kill a mountain lion bare-knuckled to assert his masculinity, he simply has to accept his sexuality and be confident in himself. Kill me now.

I remember when women considered a sensitive guy to be someone who would politely tap her on the head right before he finished and frosted her face like a winter wonderland at Christmas. Now it’s somebody who curls up on a sofa watching soaps, cuddling and crying – oh, the crying – about every emotional problem he has faced since he was five years old and his stepfather got a little too hands on when mummy wasn’t around. I suppose it would be a missed entrepreneurial opportunity to not create something to help men through these emotional times – maybe I’ll create some manpons. They’re not tampons; they’re manpons – tampons for men.

Footwear is also an issue, with men now possessing an abundance of shoes that would rival even the most persistently ostentatious female shopaholic of today’s free market. A man should have 3 pairs of shoes at most; formal wear, casual wear and work wear. And no man should ever spend more than 100 on shoes unless they enable flight. Another thing, no pink – pink is not for men – pink is girly. Now, I understand that style is subjective and for me to claim that pink clothing is girly may be met with: ‘A man who wears pink is confident in his sexuality’ No, a man who is confident in his sexuality has no desire to wear a colour that doesn’t represent his sexuality. A man conflicted however - would. Or it may be met with: ‘It’s so old-fashioned to say men can’t wear pink’ Yes, and your mother is a dirty little whore-bag. Next.

Okay, I’m not saying all men shouldn’t be well-groomed, hygienic and open to their significant other’s plights. I’m saying there is a line – a long, much needed line where men are men and women are women. I fear the day when I have to behead one of my friends because he thought it was okay to turn my poker and cigar night into a scrapbook and ice cream party.

Thanks for playing.

-P